New post... New me?

Well, i am not really sure why i am writing this on here because the matter is awfully private.  However, i tend to consider this blog like an online journal only illustrated with pictures that show, rather then speak, of how i feel. During my research today on how to stop drinking they said to keep a journal every day, and it helps.  I know I would never maintain a journal, I have tried many times and give up after a few weeks.  So, I figure besides the humility of posting this online there isn't really anything to loose in trying it.  So yes, I am unhappy with how i present myself when drunk. I do not like how I end up drinking more then i plan every time I do drink. I know that there is alcoholism on both sides of my family.  And I know that I more then anything want to be a fashion designer. I do not want anything getting in my way or stopping me of fullfilling my dreams.  My main concern is that I will loose all of my friends, not because my friends won't support me but because when I see them it is usually on the weekend and we are almost always drinking.  I dont think i will be able to control myself if I am around it so where does that leave me? Obviously removing myself from those situations.  Also, as pathetic as it sounds all week long I am waiting anxiously for the weekend, so that i can drink with my friends.  I fear my weeks and weekends will become a dull blur.  I am afraid to go to Alcohol Annoymous meetings because I don't want to see someone I know.  That last sentence is incredibly embarressing because of how weak i realize i sound, but it is the truth.  I just hope I can persevere and succeed at this.  On the bright side, I will be more driven and focused on my schooling.  I will be able to spend more time building my portfolio.  I will find excitment in the smaller things in life? Well i hope so, I guess i will just have to wait and see!