Another week closer to spring..

I went to my first of three orientations this past weekend for Main Line Animal Rescue.  It was such a rewarding expierence, and i havent even started working with the animals! We had to watch a video of puppymills and leanred about Main Line's policies, ect.  Then before we left we were given a tour of the facility! There are all kinds of furry little friends! Some big fluffy floppy dogs, and some little poodle-esqe dogs.  They all looked up to me with big eyes and big hearts.  I immediately started questioning wether fashion design was my real passion, or if i should switch directions and find a way to make a living off of caring for these beautiful little creatures!  Of course, it was heartbreaking to watch the puppymill video and i embarressingly and secretively wiped away the tears as they kept coming! Then i go to class tonight and of course the presentation is about more abused animals! I can not wait to start volunteering at Main Line.  The facility is beautiful and more so i know how rewarding the expierence is going to be for me! Of course my dad is very skeptical, he is scared to death i am going to bring home another friend! Other than that life has been pretty unexciting this past week and i can learn how to enjoy this.  I am looking forward to the spring and some warm weather.  My dad is going to let me turn one of the bedrooms on the third floor into a studio this spring.  Now i am going to be able to really practice my drawing and hopefully get moving on my portfolio! All very exciting!

and she is gone in the blink of an eye

corduroy skirts are a sin!

This is a bomb

who in the..where was i?

there you are

Ah ha. We meet again

if i had known how much fun this was going to be i wouldn't have resisted for so long

modern day crown

i have begun to collect bowties.

What a week!

I am struggling with turning my will over to god(or my higher power). Before I joined the program i did not believe in any sort of higher power. If you go to my first or second post you can see my entry said "couldn't agree more", with a picture of a jacket that read FUCK GOD BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Boy has my thinking changed. Turning my will over to a higher power does not mean not taking responsibility of my actions.  It means accepting that you have no control over what happens to your loved ones, how they think or react, and what has happened in the past.  While in theory, you do still have control over the future, whats important is to enjoy today. Yesterday sucked. The day before that sucked worse. And today was amazing.  I have finally come to terms with letting go and accepting that my best friend is not going to change because i tell her too. I know how stupid that sounds in hindsight. But hindsight is 20/20. All of the worrying i was doing for her kept me from 'working' my own program in AA.  Oh and the two days before the two days that sucked i spent in the ER.(Dont worry nothing serious, well too serious ha!) So when i recieved my english paper back tonight to see i got a perfect, it most certaintly was the highlight of my week! Tomorrow is going to be beautiful! And my sister and father are going on a college visit to Ithaca this weekend so I will be able to enjoy some peace and quiet!  I think this time last year i would have been planning all week on how to celebrate St. Patricks day and this year i totally forgot multiple times throughout the day. It is awesome being sober. Never thought i would say that in a million years, but i have never been so confident in any decision i have made before this.

a little humor after a long day... :)

Could not agree more...

1: Be authentic. The most powerful asset you have is your individuality, what makes you unique. It’s time to stop listening to others on what you should do.
2: Work harder than anyone else and you will always benefit from the effort.
3: Get off the computer and connect with real people and culture. Life is visceral.
4: Constantly improve your craft. Make things with your hands. Innovation in thinking is not enough.
5: Travel as much as you can. It is a humbling and inspiring experience to learn just how much you don’t know.
6: Being original is still king, especially in this tech-driven, group-grope world.
7: Try not to work for stupid people or you’ll soon become one of them.
8: Instinct and intuition are all-powerful. Learn to trust them.
9: The Golden Rule actually works. Do good.
10: If all else fails, No. 2 is the greatest competitive advantage of any career.


Copied from Comme des Fuckdown

loss of words...

Well i do not really know what to write this week. Considering this is really my only free time to write this entry before friday i am just going to have to think of something.  Im hoping that not too many people are reading this because they have to click on a link to get here rather than easily just commenting on someone who is actually on the forum.  I have been incredibly personal in my entries, which is really not like me.  However, in my life right now my priorities are sobriety, class, work.  So if it takes me embarressing myself on my blog to keep me sober it is worth it.  This week my sponsor told me I am on step 3. Of course this makes me happy.  I have found out that this entire time i thought i was very patient i am not.  I want to perfectly adhere to all of the steps, so that i can reach 'enlightenemnt' as soon as possible.  This is not how the program works. The beauty of it and the entire reason it does work is because it takes years to understand these tweleve simple steps. Sitting back and leaving it to my higher powers will is crucial. The beauty of each step is the things they allow me to learn about myself. Everyday i find out new strengths i have, many new weaknesses, and i am finally clear headed enough to take on one at a time.  Something i really did not see coming when i first decided to stop drinking is that instead of loosing friends, im gaining them. Now these friends are most certaintly not 21, like myself. However i think they might care about me more then almost everyone in my life prior to sobriety. And while i am grateful for all of this, right now i am tired as fuck, and irritated. :)

my dear, its not the sun, i'm tired...

to get to where you want to be is going to take a little work

I love foxes..

'comme des fuckdown'

hi there!

It's about time i get away from here...

ispendjesussaves

love it!

YES!

Need i say more?

I would like to learn how to play an instrument...

All that there is to be grateful for...

It is easy to forget everything we are blessed to have, especially when dealing with a lot of stress. Ever since I quit drinking I have been incredibly run down, experiencing mood swings, and questioning how happy I really am. I know it sounds unbelievable that the lack of alcohol can affect your body and your mind. However, alcoholism is a disease. Now sometimes I think that calling it a disease is just a way to push the blame of someone's irresponsible drinking habits to something physical. I have been doing a lot of research ever since I started going to AA; and the stack of books on my nightstand suggest that anxiety, depression, mood swings, and (obviously) added stress all are normal for people in the beginning of recovery. Thankfully I was in the 'Middle Stage of Alcoholism' when I decided to stop so these withdraw symptoms are not as severe. I am very happy I decided to stop drinking, and I am sure my family would say the same. When I get angry because I have to distance myself from my friends, confront a lot of my character defects(most of which I did not even know I had), and find alternative activities that I will learn to enjoy I neglect to appreciate what I am fortunate enough to have. I have a great job, a loving family, and thanks to the 'fellowship' of AA a bright future. I do not have to wake up worried about health issues, I have a comfortable home to come home too, and I have a lot of people that genuinely care about me. I find that we are all guilty of focusing on what we do not have rather then how much better we have it then most people in the world. Sure there are things I want that I do not have but I will work hard in order to obtain/accomplish them. And every morning when I wake up I have the decision to either enjoy the day I am lucky enough to have, or I can pout and stress over what could possibly go wrong. it is my decision what I do with this day and I am going to try and always remember to choose to make the most of it.